Confessions of a Hypocrite

Preparing for this trip, I shared what I was going to be doing with a lot of people. Upon arriving here, I have found a cool ministry engaging with tourists to which I am able to share why we are here as well. Usually the response that I receive has some shred of this attitude:
 
“Wow… Good for you.”
 
I sometimes get the impression that, based on their words, body language, and tone, a lot of people think I must be someone especially moral or talented to be doing what I’m doing—befriending prostitutes in Thailand. My explanation usually elicits a few different reactions.
 
1.     Offense—they perceive that I think I'm better because of what I am doing
2.     Feelings of inadequacy—that they could never do what I am doing
3.     Excitement—for what God is doing in and through me
 
I need to get something out in the open.
 
I am messed up.
 
I struggle with a lot of things most of you probably don’t know about because all you see is my “highlight reel.” I struggle to be sexually pure, I am extremely selfish and often don’t have good motives, I have a foul mouth at times, I gossip and judge people, I usually talk more than I listen, and am guilty cheating, lying, and stealing.
How’s that for your missionary in Thailand?
 
Just because I am a Christian doesn’t mean I am all of the sudden exempt from pain and temptation. It is a constant battle between what my body wants and what I know is best. I often choose the former.
 
To say that most people are jaded by Christians and churches would be an understatement. Words like: hypocritical, judgmental, boring, irrelevant, disproven, crutch are all commonplace among any talk of the Christian faith.
 
Mohandas Gandhi said, “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.”
 
You were right, Gandhi. The majority of the time I am not like Jesus.
 
But what he didn’t understand and what most people don’t understand is that this is the exact reason Jesus came to the earth, died on two wooden beams, and came back to life three days later—Because I could never be good enough.
 
I have nothing special that qualifies me to be here fighting this injustice. I don’t have superhero abilities or a great resume that earned me the ‘right’ to be here.
 
I’m just a whore whose chains have been broken.
 
I was once a slave, a caged bird, a coward, but now I’m free because Jesus gave his life for mine.
 
Christians aren’t claiming to be perfect. We’re not saying we have it all together with a nice pretty bow on top. I will tell you that you are right—I am a hypocrite…and saying that doesn’t excuse my sin. I’m sorry if you have ever been burned by the Church. I’m sorry if I have given you the wrong idea about who Jesus is because I acted like I was perfect, or shoved something down your throat, or didn’t extend mercy and acceptance when that’s all you needed.
 
But the message of Jesus is that there is ridiculous and almost unbelievable mercy, forgiveness, and hope for anyone whose guilt, shame, pain, questions, doubts, disappointments, depression, pride, addiction, or anger are crushing them into emptiness and oblivion.
 
God delights to use the most unexpected people to do extraordinary things. He calls the messed up and the weak to bring his message of mercy to the nations.
 
I pray that this blog moves your heart to be honest and vulnerable with others about your imperfection. I pray that it redeems your perception of who Jesus is. And I pray that it compels you to not longer claim, “I am not qualified to do this or that,” but instead gives you confidence that you are indeed qualified because Jesus has made you so, and “his strength is displayed in your weakness.”
 
This is a video a Worldrace team made while serving with us this month that depicts this good news to a ‘T’!