As I headed into this summer, I was secretly hoping that God would reveal answers about my future to me. Well maybe not so secretly, most of my close friends can tell you that I would say, “My time in Thailand is going to hold a lot of answers.” See I’m a planner, and I graduate in December. I have no idea what is next after that, because God hasn’t exactly let me in on that. Although there aren’t any specifics of what is next, He has shown me what He desires for me. He just wants me to follow Him, plain and simple.
I will follow where you lead, Lord. That was my prayer in worship on Sunday night. His response was different than I expected, but something I needed to hear.
Okay, well then I need all of you. Well yeah, God that’s what I meant when I said I would follow you. Then He spoke again: No, Jill I mean everything. Every single bit of pain you have held onto over the years. All of your fears, all of your insecurities, I need all of it if you really desire to follow me.
For those of you who know me well, you know this is quite a feat for me. But as I sat there, God continued to speak to me. I am sorry for everything that has ever happened in your life to hurt you. I didn’t want those things to happen to you. But please know that every time you cried, I was right there with you, weeping. Every time somebody said something to you or did something to hurt you, my heart ached.
Was this the first time the Lord had told me this? No. But it was the first time I listened, at least fully. It was the first time I truly allowed it to penetrate my heart. As I continued to pray, He kept pouring His words onto me, telling me of my worth in Him and how valuable I am to Him. He whispered His promises to me and pointed me to a verse:
“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old is GONE, the new is here.”
-2 Corinthians 5:17
As ministry has gone on this summer, I have known something was holding me back. It kept nagging at me, but I couldn’t pinpoint it, until Sunday night. As God continued to speak to me and let the truth of His promises fully sink in, He said one last thing to me. Now that you know these things, go and tell them.
God has given me such a sweet taste of freedom and renewal. Now He is asking me to share it with His precious children. Here in Thailand, back home, and wherever else He will call me in the future. What a great honor we have been given to share the love, hope, and redemption of Christ. I’m not exactly sure where He is leading; all I know is that I will follow.
