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Letter from Dad

One thing that I’ve struggled with my whole life is understanding how immeasurably and immensely God loves me. I knew it in my head, but I just couldn’t quite get it in my heart. It’s a big concept. I’m sure it’s something that’s not easy to grasp. I knew I had something blocking me from understanding. It was myself. For so long I blamed the absence of my father. I blamed him for making me see God poorly. Sometimes I did see God like my dad but I think the main problem was that I was having an identity crisis. Let me explain.

For the sake of trying to make myself learn and force myself to understand, I started to only call God “Father” yet I failed to realize one very very very important part of this.

If He is Father. I am daughter.

And then it finally hit me. After so long of seeking and searching. After so many frustrations and tears and not feeling like I had a father on earth or a Father in Heaven, I realized that He was waiting for me to finally realize who I am. His. 

During a night of intercession, I had a breakthrough and a really intimate conversation with God the Father through my journal and pen that I feel has begun a really awesome process of healing and a deeper love and understanding of who God is and who I am.

When I opened my journal I began to write:

“I hear restoration. Where I once was black there’s redemption and He sees me clean. Parts of my life where I always fell into sin, I see the cross and Jesus going before me showing me the way. I feel God walking beside me. The Spirit inside. Strength rising. Overcoming. Faith growing. Trust growing.

God can do that for me?

 

“Give me your burdens, daughter. I love you. I do not allow you to face these challenges on your own. I do not just leave you alone to figure it out. I want you to speak to me. Come to me. I’m always waiting. I’ve always been waiting. I want you to bring me your hurts, your happiness, your sadness, your anger. I want to hold you in those moments.

Oh daughter, don’t you know how much your Father loves you?

Run to me. That’s how I’ve yearned for you. This burning desire in your heart to draw near to me does not compare to what I feel for you. My heart is for you. It was always for you. 

Oh daughter, don’t you know how much your Father loves you?

Run. Don’t stop running and I will not stop chasing you. I will not stop holding your heart. Pursuing you. Romancing you. I will not stop. I will not relent. I am so jealous of you. I have so much for you. I want to give you so much. So much more than what you think you deserve. Don’t you know what you’re worth daughter of the King? Everything. My Son for my daughter, I say. My Son for you, even if it was only you. 

Oh daughter, don’t you know you much your Father loves you?

I have called you out. I have called you to follow me. Easy road? No. Not always. Keep your eyes fixed on me and I will not lead you astray. Give me a chance to show you what a beautiful life I’ve created for you. Follow me and see how great I’ve called you to be. I’ve got so much planned for you. Your pure servants heart pleases me, child. I love you. I love your heart. Oh how I’ve longed for you.”

 

Father show me how to love You. Never leave me. You know the pain that I’ve felt. You know how he did. How he left me waiting and wondering when he would come around. When daddy was coming home. He broke my loyal daughter’s trust. Show me how to see You as Abba. The ultimate Father. 

Restoration.

I see it. I see it coming. I’m running. 

Never looking back, never letting go of my Father’s hand — the Father’s hand who has never let go of me.”

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