By the time I laid down on my tarp to sleep Friday night, I was defeated.
Yes, you heard me right. I just said I was sleeping on a tarp under the stars.
While that may sound romantic to some, first you need to realize that the mountains of Tennessee get quite chilly when the only possessions you have are a jacket, a Bible, and a headlamp. Add in 21 other girls, lots of spiders, and some unreleased expectations and you have the perfect recipe for a very difficult first night at training camp.
But one of the many things I love about God is how He uses these situations to shape us and change us for the better.
The next morning we were moved to cabins and our possessions returned, we were able to shower and laugh about the mishaps and adventures of camping out under the stars. However, I was still having trouble blocking out the lies Satan was whispering to me as times were difficult and not exactly what I had expected (those expectations. . . they’ll kill yeah).
“You aren’t worthy enough for this,”
“You aren’t going to bring anything to this team,”
“You’ll give be constantly comparing them to your other team,”
“You messed up. Why not just find a way to go home before it’s too late?”
Being human and not one to function well in discomfort, I was really letting this get to me. I felt weak and out of place. I needed God to show up and to show up radically (and preferably with a magic carpet ride straight back to North Carolina).
Then Sunday night, we had a service where we worshiped and just prayed over each other, speaking the words God gave us for each other. I was apprehensive, still living under the lie that I wasn’t giving anything to my team. But with all of the teams in circles, with their eyes all closed, I was pushed into the middle of the circle first.
I froze.
Having no idea who stood in front of them, my teammates prayed for clarity and a word from God, and the truth immediately began to come.
And you know what God told me?
“You are a well, rising up and pouring life into those around you,”
“You are a comforter, bringing comfort to the people in your life,”
John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly,”
“You bring life to those around you. God loves you so much, He just can’t stop talking about you. Your relationship with Him is amazing,”
I am far from worthless or unworthy, and I have something to give to my team and to the women of Thailand: life. God has shown me so clearly in the past four days that His plans for my life are so much greater than my own, and when I’m actually submitting myself to His will and going with His plan, despite how uncomfortable it might be, I am giving and receiving life. I have a purpose, I am redeemed, and I’m ready to pour life into these beautiful sisters on my team and to the women of Thailand who are so ready and waiting to have the chains of bondage broken in their life.
Get ready, Thailand. We are coming, and we are bringing the life abundant!
