I guess you could say that I struggle with feeling worthy…
Am I really loved? Do I deserve to be loved? Will anyone protect me? Do I deserve to be protected? Am I worth fighting for?
Often times I let lies slip in and answer “no” to these questions.
This past week was filled with my amazing Daddy pouring His worth into me.
“I love you.”
I no longer doubt that those three words are constantly on my Daddy’s lips.
Psalm 139 drilled it into my head even more:
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”
As I was knitting this week I began to REALLY understand this passage for its entirety.
Knitting is very tedious and you must pay attention as you make each knot or else you may make a mistake.
The Lord makes NO mistakes; oh, how much time and attention He took while making every little curl on my head to every flaw that I think I see.
He made me EXACTLY how He wanted me and He loves everything about me. He sees my flaws and still loves me. Not only should I feel great worth from this, but I should also PRAISE Him for it!
I have known for about 2 years now that I stuggle with feeling worthy to be protected.
When I investigated it, the root was found in my childhood.
I had a great childhood, but I never liked that my older brothers loved to tease and make fun of me.
The making fun was supposed to make me stronger, right? That’s just how kids act, right? I always assumed both of those to be true because I didn’t feel like I was protected.
Let me be the first to tell you that I have wonderful parents and brothers who love and adore me, but I still felt a lack of protection. As a child I internalized that as, “this is just how life is, suck it up and just take it.”
Since I didn’t feel like I was protected, I always assumed that God wouldn’t protect me either. Why would He, I am just supposed to suck it up and take it, right?
No, not at all.
As a daughter of the Most High, I deserve protection and He certainly does protect me.
When no one else will, my Daddy is sending His angels to walk with me and protect me wherever I go.
I find great comfort and worth in that.
“I am fighting for you.”
I can’t even explain to you how much comfort I found this week when I heard these words come from my Daddy.
I was lying on the floor just talking to Him when all of a sudden my whole body shook. You know that feeling when you are asleep and feel like you are falling, then all of sudden your body violently shakes to try and catch itself? Well that’s what I felt except I was wide-awake.
“Daddy, what was that?”
“Allison, I am fighting for you, you need to just be patient and be still. Satan isn’t very happy with your willingness to give up anything for Me, but don’t you worry, I am fighting for you. When he tries to distract you, remember that I am fighting for you and that I have already won your heart.”
Not only do I know and feel that I am worthy to be protected, but now I can see the protection surrounding me.
Thank you, Daddy, for your love and protection for me.
