There have been plenty times in my life, and especially now when I question Gods love for me. Walking through Bangla you have to honestly question yourself, “Okay, Do I really believe this never ending, overflowing love that you say you have Jesus?” Sometimes I try imagining Gods love and I compare him to love i've received in my past. This only gets me in trouble because I think I innocently forget that God's love will be far better than any boyfriend, any father, or friend's love that I have ever experienced. He is constantly reminding and showing me that no matter where I look His love will forever satisfy, forever grow, and that He's never giving up on me. How do I deserve such a God that has promised to NEVER GIVE UP on somebody like me. Thankfully even when I forget, God has used the most blissful ways to remind me of my importance and his love.
Since my team has created a relationship with a girl named Oy who I desperately love, we decided to take a quick stop at her bar. To not overwhelm the bar owner who we thankfully like, Amber and I went alone while Sabrina and Sharon visited a bar nearby. Instantly Oy ran through the busy crowd and gave me a big kiss on the cheek and a bear hug. Since she was too busy to sit and talk she gave me her number to hangout later on in the week! Stoked from getting her number alone, I also recognized a face that I knew in Alexander bar. Immediately she shyly recognized me as well, and I called her over to give her a hug. Even though she see's a million tourist faces from her job, she quickly remembered my name from only meeting me once! Sassy just like me she replied with a hand on her hip and a smile on her face, “Now whats my name?” My heart dropped and my eyes became wide begging God to tell me her name. I remember thinking, “C'MON! You're gonna make her night if you just remember her name Sara. THINK HARDER.” Then, it hit me. I HAD SABRINAS MOLESKINE! Sabrina carries a small book with her wherever she goes and luckily writes down all the names of the girls we meet. I took it right out in front of her and flipped through the pages like a mad man. Then, I SAW IT! I cried out, “UGI! YOUR NAME IS UGI!” Her mouth hit the floor and she jumped up and down that I remembered and made me show her where I found it. Most people in America might be weirded out that someone wrote their name down, but not a Thai! Her face lit up so bright, and her childlike smile was priceless.
We began talking like good friends and laughed about her hello Kitty phone case and the tourists walking around us. Asking her questions about her family and what she does for fun, men continually would come up and whisper inappropriate things in her ear or grab her body like an object. Since she works in this bar she has to nonchalantly smile and laugh it off even if it makes her uncomfortable. The worst thing about witnessing it is that I cant do anything about it or I'll be kicked out of the bar. Even worse, I have to witness the girls get “used” to it. Out of nowhere, I pulled her close and let the Lord completely speak through me. I said, “Ugi, you are so beautiful,” and she smiled and giggled. I pushed on saying, “No Ugi, you have NO IDEA how beautiful you are. All the boys that are here, don’t deserve you. The things they say to you are wrong, and you are far better than them. You DESERVE to be loved Ugi. You deserve to be unconditionally loved by someone MUCH greater.” Immediately tears streamed down her face and she pulled me in to hug me. Laughing it off she made me promise that I would call her to hangout and since she had to go sit by a group of guys she made me promise to say goodbye when I was leaving. Once Amber was finished talking to a woman working in the same bar I didn’t quite know how to interrupt Ugi with the men. So, I just shouted “UGI!” and during the mans mid-sentence she booked it over to hug me goodbye! After saying my goodbyes I looked up and noticed the bar nearby was named, “No Angels.” Little do they know that there has been angels surrounding them every night.
While leaving the bar I kept thinking about what I said to Ugi and hearing God repeat it back to me. “Sara, you are so beautiful. No, you have no idea how beautiful you are Sara. You are far better than the way you sometimes live. You deserve my love Sara. You are unconditionally loved by me.” God truly speaks to me in the craziest, best ways possible. How can I not rejoice and sing over a God that personally loves me enough to SPEAK to me!
Jesus, I love you too.