Isn’t it funny how the Lord has timing that is perfect even when we don’t understand it?
Months before coming to Thailand, I felt….well, a block between me and God.
Except this time was not like other times in my life. Most of the time when I have felt something keeping me from fully connecting with the Lord, I know what it is. I recognize what is going on and then I either choose to take it to the Lord or just brush it off my shoulder as if it doesn’t really matter (which by the way is not healthy).
But this time, I had no idea what it was making me feel this way. I would ask God why, why, why. Why do I feel this way? Why don’t I feel you the way I need to? What is it between us? Because more than anything I want for it to be gone.
The answer I have been getting is not at all what I expected, but actually makes a lot of sense now.
I had stopped believing for healing.
Don’t hear me wrong. I hadn't stopped believing IN healing. I had stopped believing FOR healing.
While our team is here in Thailand, our contact Emmi has been teaching us a lot about spending time with the Lord and allowing Him to reveal His heart to us. One of the ways we have been doing that is by going through the book of Proverbs and the book of John with our team.
This may seem simple, but it’s really been revolutionary for me. It is so good to process what the Lord is saying in a group that is safe and can help you discern what is true.
Back to healing.
So three days ago we were going through John 5, the story of the Healing at the Pool.
Verses 1-5 say:
“Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. Now there is in Jerusalem near the sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there has been an invalid for thirty-eight years.”
When I read this part I quickly thought about how miserable it must have been to be living this kind of life for 38 years. Clearly this man had stopped believing there was healing for him. How can you wait thirty eight years? Surely he had lost all hope.
And then the Lord revealed to me that I do this all the time! I wait and I wait to be healed of things inside, all the while needing to go to the one true source of healing: Jesus!
Verses 6-7:
“When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, 'Do you want to get well?' 'Sir', the invalid replied, 'I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me'.”
Jesus asks this man if he wants to be healed and the man feels hopeless. He immediately gives an excuse for why he is not able to be healed.
How often do I do that?
How often does the Lord reach out wanting to heal me of any brokenness and my only response is the reasons why I do not believe I can heal, which might also be the reasons I think my brokenness is greater than His ability and desire to heal.
The Lord is revealing to me so many things that are inside! He wants to do that for each of His children, and He wants to heal us of any brokenness so we can walk in the fullness of a life with Him. And it is so full.
