Exhausted.
That is what I am right now. I am just tired physically and emotionally. This month has been and is going to continue to be a struggle. I am missing my family and wanting to be there with them. I want to be there for my nana during her cancer treatments (please keep her in your prayers!), and my heart is at home with her. Our living situation is rough, my body is not used to this heat, I sleep in living quarters that are 2 feet wide because I have all of my things on my twin bed because I don’t want the rats to chew holes through my things, I wake up every morning feeling hopeless and I have to force myself to get out of bed.
It’s hard. I’m not going to try and pretty up how I’m feeling because that wouldn’t be fair to you. You need to know that it’s not all flowers and rainbows on the mission field. It’s not supposed to always be easy, it’s ok for me to not be happy-go-lucky all the time. It’s ok for me to share how I’m feeling and not be ashamed of it. I am human, I’m not perfect, I have emotions that aren’t always positive.
Today, during our team time, we decided to go to a coffee shop and all read James and then discuss it. As soon as I started reading, I started getting convicted. Everything in the book just hit home and struck me to the core. I am going to go through struggles and trials but the important thing is to not give up and persevere. I’m not saying that I am just all of a sudden going to be ok with everything, but I am thankful for this. Even through the feelings of hopelessness, despair, and irritation, I am learning about myself and about God. He is using this time to mold me even more into the woman that He wants me to be. I am so thankful that God chose me to be here right now, I am blessed beyond belief.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4
“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12
Please be praying for me and my team, we are all struggling in different areas and it is going to take a lot of prayer and help from the Lord to get us through it. I love you guys and can’t wait to see you all soon!
