When I first signed up for this trip I was SO angry at men who could buy a girl for their own satisfaction. How could you ever be so messed up that you could ever believe that it was okay to degrade a girl in such a way?! How could you ever treat a human being as a commodity bought for your own enjoyment?! But I knew this anger would greatly affect my ministry in such a negative way and I had to do something about it. So I started to pray. I prayed daily that he would let me see these men from His eyes, not my own. Let me see them as His creation also. And He did.
I arrived on Bangla that first night seeing the lost look in the eyes of these men. The search for something they could not find here, it hurt me too. But then one of the nights the devil used the previous anger to attack me. He allowed me to see all the looks in their eyes towards me. He allowed me to see the way they degraded me with every look and it was so hard. By the end of the night it had really wore on me and I was angry. God how could you break my heart for these men, how could you give me compassion for them- and then allow them to degrade me so much. Why did you let this happen? I just didn’t understand why He would let me, someone who wanted so badly to show them His love, be so attacked with their stares and the looks in their eyes.
But this week He opened my eyes to another lesson I needed to learn. He has taught me that I am those men. Not literally, obviously, but my heart is the exact same. I fail my Heavenly Father time and time again. I screw up, make silly decisions and turn from Him. My love for Him sometimes is directed elsewhere. But He NEVER gives up on me. He ALWAYS pursues me. He LOVES me unconditionally, forever. He asks that I love those around me as He loves me, and I didn’t. I gave up on those men.
It doesn’t matter how we degrade Him, or how often we do- HE NEVER GIVES UP. And He calls us to this same incredible love. He desires so strongly for our hearts to be completely given to Him that we can extend His very unconditional everlasting love to all those around us—even the men that think it is okay to buy a girl for the night. He has completely changed my perspective and allowed me to redefine the love that I need to extend out to everyone around me. Another test failed. But another lesson learned.
