I keep forgetting the power behind a smile and behind just telling someone that they are beautiful. We are doing so many great things here in Thailand and I know that i am apart of them but for me personally I have felt a little bit discouraged. I have met so many girls in the bars every week and i have asked many of them to hangout with me during the day and for some reason i keep hitting brick walls. I love them all so very much and its hard because i see my teammates going on dates and setting up times for them to come back to our house and get a job at S.H.E. but none of my friends have time. I smile at them, i repeat how loved they are, i squeeze them so tightly in a friendly embrace, they light up when they see me walking their way, and still, as much as i desire to spend time with them i cant!
I met and loved Gov so much and i cant even see her anymore. I met a friend named Yoi who loved me and i adored her but she isnt at her bar anymore and her phone was shut off. I asked Jom and Bee to hangout during the day for lunch and they both said no. Ami is always drunk and has no clue what i am saying. Ying and Kay cant talk to me anymore for whatever reason! Each time i get their numbers i go back to see them and they are gone or say they cant talk to me anymore. What am i supposed to think about all of this? Am I a threat to Satan so he is blocking me from being able to help these ladies or am i just not doing a good enough job relating to them?
All of these fears of me not being good enough and me not making any difference at all have been attacking me this week. But then i remembered when we prayed over three russian girls on Bangla road and they cried when we called them our sisters in Christ. I remember Gov saying how she has never had someone really care and love her until she met me and i told her about Jesus. I remember God filling me up with his Joy so that Yoi would see Him in me and dannce while we sang worship over her! You should have seen the excitement in Amis face when she found out that we love Jesus because she does too.
Im forgetting that when i look at all that I have done MYSELF– it amounts to nothing. It is just dust on the ground… but when i let Yahweh blow into the dust it creates beauty. I need to remember to humble myself and with my face in the dirt bow to all that He desires so that he can make something from the ashes! Thank you father for promising to always be here to restore!! I love you too.
