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The Fear of the Unknown

     Well, we've been in Phuket for an entire week but it feels like so much longer than that. These amazing women of God have become my family and I wouldn't choose to be on this journey with any one else. 

     It has been a week of learning, change, and adjusting. Being here, though, I discovered I have been missing one crucial element in my walk with God; the ability to talk comfortably with Him. For so long I have been consumed with fear of saying the "wrong thing" or praying the "wrong prayer". What I've learned is that God doesn't care if I talk to Him in some perfect "churchy" way, He just wants me to talk to Him and listen whenever He has something to tell me. I don't have to sugarcoat how I'm feeling or what I say, He knows it all anyways. I can't believe all of these years, I have spent missing out on this comfortable feeling in my relationship with God. I can talk to Him like a friend, because He is my Friend. He wants to really know how I'm feeling, not just the same old story I tell everyone if they ask. It is so freeing to be able to be honest and not feel like your going to screw up the relationship by speaking your mind. I know that God will love me even if I have doubts, even if I have questions, even if I get angry. The important thing is that if I do have doubts, or have questions, or get angry, that I talk to Him about it instead of ignoring the problem until it blows up. 

     Slowly but surely, God is breaking me down and building me up into the woman that He wants me to be in Him. He is using my amazing team in this process, I have shared more of my true self in the past week with these women than I have in the past 19 years. No secrets, no judgment, just love. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me and my new family for the next 3 and a half months. Bring it on. smiley

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