“Is God really enough for me?”
If I am really being truthful, I don’t think that I have ever given a genuine “yes.” I am finally having to truly sacrifice, and finally having to really decide if God is enough for me.
It is funny how right now, when things seem to really be hard, I am finding it necessary to say “yes.”
“Yes Lord, You are enough.”
This is my response today.
No, I don’t want my leader and amazing friend to leave.
No, I don’t want to switch buildings and beds.
No, I don’t want to be away from my family.
No, I don’t want to miss my one of my favorite seasons.
No, I don’t want to be away from my friends when they really miss & need me.
No, I don’t want to not be able to hug my mom or wrestle my brothers.
No, I don’t always want to be here in Thailand, but I know that the Lord has me placed here and He will be my everything.
Wait…
My life is not about what I want or don’t want, and it never has been.
The purpose of my life isn’t even to lead as many people as I can to know Christ.
My purpose is to enjoy a relationship with my Daddy.
Jesus didn’t die on a cross so that I could get everything that I wanted in life. He died so that He could bridge the chasm between my Daddy and me by shedding His perfectly pure blood and taking away my sin.
Oh how quickly I become selfish. Oh how quickly I forget why I am alive.
I’m not alive to satisfy my every want. I am alive to do life with God.
So…
Yes, I do trust in the Lord’s timing.
Yes, I am grateful for change because I know that it will produce growth.
Yes, I am thankful to be away from family because it forces my reliance on the Lord.
Yes, I will joyfully sweat because the rain will refresh me.
Yes, I am okay to not always be able to be there for my friends because I know that God has brought amazing women into their lives to encourage and speak life into them.
Yes, I am content with the loving embraces of my 6 sisters here.
Yes, I will joyfully take on each day here in Thailand because I know that my Daddy is working in and through me in mighty ways.
God knew that I would have to be at a point of true desperation for me to learn that He REALLY is all that I need and nothing else can satisfy.
It was today when I realized that I could either continue to sit in my crap and be angry about all of this change, or I could be joyful while I really trust the Lord. I could chose to live the last two months in Thailand in utter despair, but that’s not the kind of woman that I am.
I am choosing to trust.
I am choosing to finally say, “God, You are truly enough for me.”
I am choosing to rely on the Lord.
I am choosing to be excited about all of the growth that this change is going to produce.
I am choosing to joyfully live every single day here in Thailand expecting the best.
Of course, once again, it is raining. It is no surprise to me that when I truly give it all over to Him, He just showers the earth with rain to remind me that He is also showering me with His love. Oh how vast is His unconditional love for me. No matter how hard the storm, He is the rain that replenishes me. His loves fills me up and gives me the strength to keep relying on Him.
I am so thankful that our amazing Daddy is so patient. It has taken me a while to get to this point of complete dependence on God, but I am here.
“Yes.”
A genuine yes.
Lord, you really are enough.
