Get over yourself, Hannah.

So, adjusting to life in Cambodia has begun and gone a little easier than I initially expected.  After getting over my bitter attitude toward living in a mosquito box for five weeks surrounded by squirrely children, I have come to find it kind of homey. But that may still be a stretch.

Anyway, our days have been given a little more structure now, so we aren’t constantly surrounded by the girls and we have our own time away in order to keep our minds sane. Today, Shelley, Kim and I were able to be with the girls in the morning.  The kids are incredibly crafty and LOVE doing any sort of art work, so we taught them a little about snow and then had them each make their own snowflakes and then draw a winter wonderland as they imagine it to be. In watching the girls, it is pretty crazy how they can completely immerse themselves into an activity that you pretty much have to shake them to get their attention. If you laid crayons and paper in front of them, they’d sit and color beautiful scenes and princesses for hours on end. And then, when I learn the games they play on a regular basis, I am completely shocked every time when the pieces of the game are either little beads or plastic shapes. It takes me a minute to realize that these kids don’t have the opportunity for Monopoly, Candy Land, or even Barbies. That their lives live around the simplicity of recycled clothing tags or beads that are left from the last team that came and visited. And here I am, a little upset because I sleep in a cramped bed with rats? Maybe it is time that I really checked myself into seeing what “hard living” is really like. Because at six, seven and eight years old, these girls have found PURE joy in their living conditions that are FAR worse than what I ever have and probably ever will experience.

These remaining 4.5 weeks will probably stretch me further than I have been stretched yet.  I will be uncomfortable. I will be hot. I will need to dig up some energy to be able to fully be present with these little girls. But, it will be worth it. They say God prepares you for what is to come, that He won’t give you anything you cannot handle. And to think the past 3 months, he was simply preparing me to love 31 little girls in their own home and I am worried about it being a struggle? It’s about time that I get over myself, put MY comfort aside and live in the life that these little girls live in every day. It is time that I 100% pour my love into them, because after these next 4.5 weeks are over, I do not know where they will end up. I will likely never see them again. It’s time for me to stop holding back, dragging my feet and being annoyed at a little girl wanting to play the same games with me. It’s time I fully give myself for whatever God has in store.  He has prepared me and now it is time I finally let go.

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