I just got done reading Mere Christianity for probably the fourth time. And it keeps on teaching me. In her forward to the book, Kathleen Norris tells us that this particular book…
"asks us to recognize that the great religious struggle is not fought on a spectacular battleground, but within the ordinary human heart, when every morning we awake and feel the pressures of the day crowding in on us, and we must decide what sort of immortals we wish to be."
That statement: What sort of immortal do we wish to be. That gets me.
I want to be a woman that is faithful in the little things. I want to be whole, living with complete integrity with the words I say, the thoughts I have, and the actions I do.
God has brought it to my attention lately that I do not live with emotional integrity. I stuff, or hide, my feelings of frustration or anger towards others fearing that my reaction towards them will make them think poorly of our Father.
Being in a position of leadership allows me to put pressure on myself. I think, If I do not respond perfectly in every situation, then what will they think of God?
I am scared to hurt people, mainly, I suppose, because I fear they will leave me. I fear others will not overcome feeling of hurt or rejection and continue to pursue me.
He is asking me to trust Him with my team. To trust that when I am weak, when I am imperfect, He will come through.
That's silly, I think. Of course that's true. But in the end, I find myself living a different way. Jesus, help me become the sort of immortal I want to be, the kind that fully trusts you and your grace. The kind of immortal who boasts in my weakness because through it I see you come through with such force and in such an undeniable way that no one could possibly think it was my doing.
Thank you for putting me in leadership, that I may be more like you. And help me, as C.S. Lewis writes, to make it my main object of life to press on to that other country and help others do the same.
Yeah. That other country… that's where I'm going.
On our day off we got to go visit some waterfalls. They were so refreshing and beautiful. These are the two teams that I'm with in Thailand.
My co-leaders (Sierra and Sarah) and me at the waterfall.
