What the Heck God??

Let me just set the stage for you… It’s 4pm on Monday in Chiang Mai, Thailand. A lot of people on my team decided not to do ministry today because they felt like the Lord was calling them to spend time with Him. I, however, was super excited about ministry and heard Jesus tell me to expect big things. My lovely teammate and dear friend Callen also felt called to do ministry so we decided to go together. We prayed and asked the Lord for direction and then went off to the bars.

 About a minute into our walk we find a lady making ice cream sandwiches (like literally ice cream between 2 slices of white bread). Naturally, we were intrigued so we turned around to get a better look. BOOM. Next thing I know I’m on the ground. The Thai people and Callen let out gasps and immediately I knew I was a little injured. I quickly got to my feet and hobbled over to some stairs to sit down.

 In case you don’t already know, I injured my left ankle as a child and have had 5 surgeries since then with very little success. I know ankles. I know sports injuries. My first thought after falling was, “thank God my ankle is ok.” At that moment, I looked down and saw that my right foot was not looking so good. It had a huge swollen ping pong sized ball on it. Rut roh…

In the days leading up to the event, our team had been given a newfound confidence in praying for healing. We had prayed for a lot of stranger’s healing over these days. We hadn’t been seeing results, but our faith had not been shaking. When Callen saw my foot she immediately laid hands on it and began to petition the Father for healing. She prayed, I cried. I cried out of frustration and abandonment, not pain. I kept asking God what the heck He was thinking. She prayed for a little over an hour, with no results.

 “Hello God? Do you hear us? What’s your deal? Any second now…You say You are a healer…what are you waiting for? Seriously you’re going to let me fall on my way to do bar ministry?? What’s your beef?”

These are all thoughts going on in my mind and spewing out of my mouth. I was so angry and frustrated. I was scared to go back and tell the group what had happened because I didn’t want people to be discouraged. I didn’t want to be any more discouraged. I wanted God to show up, heal me, and go on to the bars and see the “big things” he had promised me.

 This wasn’t His plan. We went back, yelling at God the entire time, and told my team what happened. They prayed and nothing happened, but much to my surprise no one was really that discouraged, except for me. For those few hours I doubted God’s goodness. I doubted that He wanted what was best for me. At times I even doubted that He was real.

 Side note: during this time at least 3 of my teammates were very sick with some sort of stomach crap. Like miserable, “I want to die” sick, including one of my beloved leaders, making it a lot easier to believe the stuff I stated above.

 That didn’t last long…after we went home we started to WebMD my conditions. We convinced ourselves that it was a “Bible Bump” (which is some sort of cyst that can go away if beaten with a heavy book, hence the name Bible Bump…) this conclusion led to much laughter of course.

 Anyway, that night in my room, my roommates once again laid hands on me and prayed a sweet prayer. The kind of prayer that we pray out of desperation, a plea with God. The kind of prayer that makes you cry. In that moment, I knew my God was real. I knew He was good. I knew He wanted what was best for me. I knew He loved me so much. I knew He felt my internal pain and my physical pain. I knew He was weeping alongside me. I kept saying over and over again in my head until I fell asleep, “I love you even in these circumstances.” And He kept saying, “I love you always.”

 Long story short the next day, after more tears and more back and forth with God, we decided I probably needed to get this checked out. I was taken to the hospital and got X-Rays to find out that I had in fact broken my good foot. Praise the Lord; it is not a bad break at all. My 4th metatarsal is cracked and it will heal on its own with lots of rest and care.

Do I understand why I broke my foot the other day? Absolutely not. Do I know my Father’s heart a little better because of it? Absolutely.

I still believe in healing. I know He has more for me in the next two weeks that we have here in Chiang Mai.  “I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.” Romans 8:37-38 MSG

A cracked metatarsal is not going to separate me from the love of my Father.

Please keep our team in your prayers the next couple of weeks. We would love to be restored to full health so we can finish up our season here and bring the Kingdom to Thailand. Much Love!