"The Lion of Judah's thundering deep, Roaring Down the walls of Fear in Me"
In a room full of voices blending into divine harmonies, I felt like I was the only one striving to feel the presence of the Spirit that was descending upon everyone around me. The Spirit seemed so palpable in their voices and raised hands, but I kept hitting a wall.
This past season, I have been working so hard. As a full time grad student working two jobs, I have fallen into the mundane system of striving- striving to please bosses, professors, and my roommates…striving to be everything to everyone, and striving to please the Lord. In the process, I forgot that I already please God. I forgot that I am never qualified to earn His approval, but He gives it to me freely in sacrificial love.
As I stood in this room of people trumpeting with passion for His name, I felt that the harder I pushed, the more it felt like a pretense.
This morning, on our last day of training, as we worshipped once more, I was feeling like a fraud. I had been trying so hard for so long, and I wasn't achieving the experience or receiving the accolades that this world told me I deserved; Satan spoke lies over my Spirit that I was no longer pleasing to the Lord..that He was disappointed in me, and all my attempts were futile.
This morning, as I raised my hands reaching, trying so desperately to achieve an experience, my team leader approached and began speaking words over me. She spoke of an image of God's hands reaching for mine, and a desire for me to find rest in Him. His grace is nothing that I can attain because I already have it. He already declared that I am desperately loved and forgiven, so I am not chained to the economic system of this word.
I am set free from the worth of man. In a world that manipulates our thoughts, and exagerates our deficiencies, God declares that His grace is sufficient for us (2 Corinthians 12:9), He is sufficient for us, and we are set free. Galatians 5:1!
