These past 4 days have been an incredible journey preparing me for Thailand. I came here nervous, anxious, cautious, and unprepared for whatever was to come for me. I felt coming into this that I had a pretty secure relationship with God but I soon realized I had so much to learn, so much to embrace. I felt like an inexperienced child among educated adults. As the days passed, I found myself struggling to find the relationship with God that I so desperately wanted. I prayed and prayed daily to Him asking why can’t I feel this liberating feeling that so many others around me are experiencing? Why can’t I feel your presence? What did I do that I don’t deserve it?
On Sunday afternoon we took a spiritual walk through the woods preparing to surrender ourselves to the Lord. I said to him, “I will give all my thoughts to you, I will dedicate my every moment to myself to practice your Word.” I wanted to release all temptation and thoughts that Santan may be trying to poison my mind with as I walked I kept asking for release from these things and to bless me with a replacement by his words. At the end of our journey we were asked if we were actually ready to liberate ourselves and at that moment I was to let go of a log I had carried with me the entire hike that read “my thoughts <3.” I answered yes and completely gave my whole mind up to God before I let it fall into the fire pit.
At that moment I felt a change. I completely and honestly felt entirely free. I was liberated. I had broken the chains. But it was not till later that night that I felt His presence within me for the first time. That night at ministries I had a vision, not only 1 but 3!! Can you say insane?? I went from feeling at my lowest point at the beginning of the day to now feeling the most joy in the world. I’m sure I looked like a crazed lunatic with an ear to ear full faced smile and tears running down my cheeks. But do you think I cared 1 bit? Not at all.
That moment of euphoria took away all of my fears, all of my doubts and everything in between. I can confidentially say now that I am totally ready for any and all situations that I may encounter in Thailand. I have the power of the Lord in me and with that I know I can do the impossible.
“Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trust in him, and I am helped.” Psalm 28:6,7
