I’m so forgetful, but You always remind me…

I think there is a misconception of the character of God in our society.  He has been turned into this judgmental and untouchable power that still somehow lets evil invade our lives.  He fits perfectly into a little box of rules and regulations.  But for me, here in this place, nothing could be further from the truth.  My God is creative and compassionate.  My King is just and faithful.  My Father in heaven has my heart not because of anything I have done, but by His loving grace alone.  My Savior is alive.  He cannot be contained to a box.  He cannot even be kept in a grave.  The character of God is an unfathomable thing because it is so wonderful that it is completely beyond our human understanding.  He has been giving me little glimpses of His heart during this journey that have absolutely wrecked me in amazing ways.  Some nights it seems impossible to find hope on Bangla.  It was one of those nights a few weeks ago when I asked God why He didn’t just destroy this place.  I couldn’t take the evil of it.  He just let me throw a tantrum and then said, “I am.  I’m destroying it with love.”  UM, okay Jesus.  Like, what do you say to that?  God is straight full of compassion and He is eager to save ALL His sons and daughters, no matter the cost.  Then, last week, I was out at the bars for ministry and I was standing in a walkway next to the closed bars while praying over them.  We are not allowed in the closed bars because it is too dangerous.  A group of 4 boys around my age walked past a closed bar near me.  They continued on for a while, but then turned around and went in.  I stood staring at the door and curtain they just disappeared into.  I begged Jesus to let them see what is really happening in there, that it isn’t just a night of partying, but one of slavery and brokenness.  I prayed the Spirit would turn them around and that they would walk back out the door I was intently fixed on.  Within one minute, ALL FOUR of them WALKED OUT of the door.  I literally screamed and started dancing in the middle of the street of bars.  Not only is God faithful, but He entrusts us to speak out His power.  This brings me to my next story.  The other day I saw this vision of a bright light over Bangla that was going to guide me to the bars I should go to.  I looked for it for a few nights before I got frustrated at God for showing me something that wasn’t happening.  Then I saw another vision of the light guiding me except this time I realized it was coming from inside me.  He is faithful in every circumstance and as long as I was moving forward, He was guiding me.  A few nights later, I met a beautiful girl called Nu at one of the bars.  She told us how she had only been working for a week in the bars and hated it but she has a 3-year-old daughter back home that she missed very much and needed to make money for.  She began to cry and we asked if we could pray with her.  So in the middle of this bar, we all laid hands on her and began praying.  People were staring and I felt the love of God so much in that moment, it can’t even be put into words.  I told her I liked her dress and she told me, “second hand, no buy.  I can not.”  Then, I noticed she was missing an earring.  Instantly, I felt Jesus nudge me.  My first thought was, “whyyyy, these are my favorite earrings!”  But that was selfish and I knew it, so I took out my silver leaf earrings and gave them to her and pointed to her ears.  The look on her face went from shock to joy in a matter of seconds.  She bowed and told me thank you about five thousand times.  She is so precious, I just love her.  The next night we went back to see her and she said she doesn’t wear the earrings to the bar because they are too special.  Then she held her hand over her heart.  When I think about all of these things, I remember that my God is absolutely invested in every single one of his sons and daughters.  When I feel hopeless, God reminds me that He is my rest and my peace.  It is so easy to just disregard the little things, but when I add up all the little things I have seen, I see a whole lot of insane love.
 
“Lord, I come to tell you I love you
to tell you I need you,
to tell you there is no better place for me than in Your arms,
to tell you I’m sorry for running in circles,
placing my focus on the ways, not on Your face,
You’re the only one who brings me peace.”