Disclaimer: This blog was written a few weeks ago
Leadership is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it has been one of the more rewarding and growing things I have ever done. Being here has put me right in my element and completely out of my element all at the same time.
All my life I have carried people’s burdens. Before I knew what the Holy Spirit was and how it worked I was always one who worked off of people vibes and I would sometimes physically feel the way people were feeling emotionally. People’s emotions always had a great effect on me. In the first few weeks of this trip I literally thought I was broken. I wasn’t feeling anything. In such a spiritually dark place and the way Lord had been moving I should have been feeling something.
After a week or so of wonder what was wrong with me the Lord reminded me of a prophecy I got before leaving for leader training. It said, “The Lord sees you are tired and He is going to give you rest. HE sees you have given Him everything and He is going to bring restoration to you.” When I first received this I thought to myself, “Great, I’ll need rest after I get back from Thailand especially starting my internship almost immediately after getting home.” It never occurred to me that I would get rest in Thailand.
I have never been so spiritually attacked as I have during this trip. I have also never felt the Lord in this way ever before. It amazes me that the Lord would give me so much rest in so much darkness. But why would he not? Isn’t he good? Isn’t he faithful? Isn’t he sovereign? Well of course he is, so why would he not give me rest in the darkness? Hasn’t he overcome the darkness of this world? Hasn’t he given me the authority to trample on snakes and scorpions? Did he not promise me that in trampling on snakes and scorpions that nothing would harm me? The why would he not give me rest in the darkness?
I love that I serve a God who give rest in the midst of darkness. That no matter what is happening around you can always have peace during the storms and even walk on the water. He is so good. He is so faithful. He is so sovereign. He leads me to calm waters and restores me soul. Here in the midst of darkness I rest in the arms of the Lord and He sings over me. There is no place I would rather be than here in his love, even if that love is in the middle of darkness.
