the mother in me <3

When I made the decision to listen to God and come on this trip I knew that He would work in my heart. I knew that He would open my eyes to things. I knew that He would stretch me, but I assumed He would be breaking my heart for the women here. For the prostitutes, for the men, for the bar owners…but He has been breaking my heart for thechildren.
I’ve always loved kids…I’m good with them and love playing with them and I’ve always figured I’d have some one day, but God has shown me my the depth of my mothers heart on this trip. When we are out at the bars the other girls on my team tend to notice the women or the men, but my eyes are always locked on the kids. There are kids all over Bangla road. There are kids that seem to ALWAYS cling to me on the streets to get me to buy necklaces, and it’s hard. But where God has wrecked my heart the most are the kids on the street and at the bars with their parents.  
Tonight as we were walking Bangla road, we stopped to talk to a man and a sweet little blonde girl caught my eye. She was walking with her dad, her mom was behind them a little ways with a camera…she was probably about 5 years old and they were standing directly in front of Soi Crocodile. During a certain time of night there are a lot of lady boys that come out onto the main road in huge headdresses and crazy outfits and try and get you to take pictures with them, a lot of them are really vulgar and aggressive. I watched as this little girl’s father was trying to push her towards them to take a picture and saw so much fear in her beautiful little face. She was terrified. She kept grabbing at her dad’s hand and holding onto his shirt…but he didn't let up or walk away. He just kept her right there and I literally could not take my eyes off of her. My group was having a pretty serious conversation but I can’t tell you one word of what they said because God just had my eyes locked onto that little girl. Parents are supposed to be protectorsFightersWarriors.Guardians for their kids. They are supposed to rock them to sleep and kiss away their pains and be an example for them. They are supposed to mold them and teach them and keep them safe. And God let me see how it felt to see a mom and dad pushing their daughter into the mouth of a lion. In that moment God let me feel the tiniest bit of what He felt for that little girl and it ripped my heart out. In that moment God let me feel like she was my little girl and I wanted to step in and be that protector that her parents were not being. In that moment God gave me a gift. In letting me feel some of the weight of His love for that little girl, He was showing me the type of mother that I will be. A mother that will fight for my children. A mother that will guard their hearts. A mother that will keep them safe. A mother that will rock them  to sleep. A mother that will kiss away their pain. A mother that will teach them and mold them. A mother that will keep them safe. A mother to many.
Throughout this trip God has given me dreams and words and verses about children…and“mom” is a term that gets directed at me regularly. Tonight when I got home a girl on my team told me I was going to be the mother of an army…and I don’t doubt it for a second.
love yall
living in pursuit of Him,

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