The Words I Haven’t Said

 Sometimes the most memorable moments in life are the most uncomfortable. Even the traditional milestones such as giving birth to a child or proposing to a significant other can be VERY frightening. The main fact of the matter is the choice you made in the process. Even through all your fears and doubt tried to creep in, you knew how wonderful the outcome could be and ran for it. Those moments that made you tremble and really fight for what you wanted are the times you can truly look back at and remember. Now imagine those times in your head and take a second to think about what your life would be like if you didn’t do them. Would you be happier? Or would you have missed out on many moments that have greatly impacted your life?

In Thailand, God has given me plenty of opportunity's to make me feel uncomfortable. From the culture, from the Thai people, and even the foreigners. He has put me in situations that have become almost like two way paths. The path that I would like to take, and the path that He has intended for me to take. My path in uncomfortable situations would be the easy route. The silent, less embarrassing and expressionless path that only leads to a life of going through the motions. The problem with this path is the fact that it IS comfortable. Nobody can pop your precious bubble and you cant make mistakes. Yet when you walk down the path that God intends for you, something much more inspirational happens. You fall on your face, you make mistakes, your loud and sometimes crazy. Its almost impossible to not embarrass yourself and people naturally will start to always watch and sometimes judge you. As unappealing as that sounds, this path has lead me not only strive to become more like Jesus, but has given me moments in my life that I'll never forget.

While walking on Bang La and talking to a tourist from New York he began to tell us more about his life. He explained his frustration and struggle on what to really believe with so many religions to chose from. Being in the army overseas he had many Muslims come to him and try to persuade him. He kept saying, “You never know what to say to them, they REALLY know the bible.” Chit chatting about why we were there and the reasons we have fallen in love with Jesus, Amber asked him if we could pray from him. Shocked and surprised at first, he didn't know what to say but excitedly said “yes.” While lying our hands on him to pray Amber spoke up and said, “Alright Saraw, take it away.” You see, we pray for people all the time and its a very common thing. Yet, most times we can be looked at as crazy missionaries and selfishly it felt nice to be viewed as a normal foreigner. Despite my fear of rejection and embarrassment I let God speak to me and prayed anyway. I remember shaking so badly knowing I had no clue what to say to this stranger and only God would know the words to say. Luckily he thanked us and even waved goodbye later on that night. Even if things may have been awkward and I'll never know if I spoke the right words, It'd be worse to hold back words of life if it has a chance to change their life dramatically.

That wasn’t the only uncomfortable moment that's happened recently. While prayer walking with Amber on Bang La we decided to stop and ask God where to lead us. We ended up opening our bible and stumbling upon Joshua and reading the story of Jericho. The story is about Joshua who leads his army of Israelites to walk around the walls of Jericho seven times while singing, dancing, and blowing their trumpets. On the seventh round the walls began to tumble down leaving only a prostitute named Rahab and her family standing alive. Walking into the new Soi Tiger we decided to circle the bars within there seven times just like the Israelites did around Jericho. Getting stares from the few people In the bars and especially the workers we kept on walking. I remember praying to God and saying, “I am DONE with being embarrassed of your name. I am done hiding behind fear, worry and discouragement and I am ready to be uncomfortable. I am ready to be everything you want me to be, even if the world tries to bring me down.” On my seventh circle I began to sing loudly (not necessarily quite well) and dancing like a fool. I pray that just like Jericho, the prostitutes can be rescued and redeemed within Soi Tiger, and on Bang La road just like the woman Rahab.

The biggest regrets in my life has been the words I haven’t said. The apologies I never did, and the gratitude I never expressed. I want to be able to look back on my life with Jesus and be confident that I did everything he asked of me. Even if I do look like a dancing fool.

New Soi Tiger^

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Me…in a bar?