I had so many expectations coming into this trip.
I thought we would be going to Phuket, we ended up on the opposite end of Thailand in Chiang Mai. I thought we would be going into the bars every night making friends with prostitutes. I never thought that I would mostly be making friends with college students.
At first I struggled with this. A lot. This looks nothing like I thought it would. God, I thought you called me here to do bar ministry, why haven't we gotten to do that? I found myself disappointed and discouraged wondering why I was here in the first place.
Well, through some wise words of a friend and some serious time in prayer I've realized something… I don't actually know everything. God does. I know, DUH. it really took me that long to figure that out? But I have been holding onto this vision of how everything was going to look and everything we were going to do thinking that was the best plan and what made the most sense. But God's plans are so much better than mine! He can see the whole picture and I can only see what's in front of me. He's asking me to relinquish that control and trade in the story I've already written in my mind in exchange for a more epic story than I could ever imagine. A story that could only be written by God.
For weeks before this trip I listened to the song "Oceans" by Hillsong over and over and over and I kind of adopted that as my prayer.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters. Where my feet would never wander.
When I sang that I just assumed it to mean walking boldly into bars at night in the red light district making friends with prostitutes. If that's not an ocean I don't know what is. But now I'm realizing that THIS is the ocean God is trying to help me walk on. Having all of my expectations blown away, giving up all control…. that is somewhere where my feet would truly never wander. At least not willingly. But God is showing me that this is the beginning of the story He's writing for me. I just have to give Him the pen.